William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler, and writer. Fields’ comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for children. Wikipedia

Born: January 29, 1880, Darby, PA
Died: December 25, 1946, Pasadena, CA
Buried: Forest Lawn, Glendale, CA
Children: William Rexford Fields Morris, William Claude Fields, Jr.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.